Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
