Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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