That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize
