So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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