thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
