census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
