you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
