i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
