You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
