when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
