I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
