I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
