You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
