i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
