all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
