woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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