I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
