Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
