he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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