Pants 0. Shit 1.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Randomize
