He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
