Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
