What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
my liver is dry heaving
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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