I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm passing your future prison.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Randomize
