Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
