I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
