I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
