I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The uberlube is also flammable
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
