Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
