In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
