Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
