Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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