Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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