I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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