just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
