Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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