youre lurking in front of me
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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