You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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