i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Also, beer. Big fan.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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