you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
