Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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