btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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