I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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