I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
