Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
