even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Randomize
