Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bring money and cleavage
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
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