he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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