just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
