it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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